'No wonder yew look tired Tom bor, tha's a long walk,' said Charlie. 'Well, it wun't s' bad,' said Tom. 'Yew see we took the marster's hoss an' cart an' took tarns in ridin'. Fust the marster rid an' Oi walked, then Oi walked an' the marster rid.' * * * LONG ODDS James met the vicar one day and asked him to say a prayer for Sarah Grey. The following Sunday and the Sunday after that the vicar mentioned her in his prayers, but before the service the following week James told him his prayers were no longer necessary. 'Has the poor dear passed away or is she better?' enquired the vicar. 'Oh noo,' said James. 'She're won the 3.30 at Newmarket last week!' * * * TURNIP HEAD The vicar, walking through the village, saw a boy plucking up turnips after putting his hat over each one in turn. At the next cottage he came to, he remarked to a woman standing at the door: 'Do you know, I've just seen a boy acting strangely in that field — topping turnips with his hat. Eccentric behaviour, it seems to me.' 'Wuh, thass my boy,' she said. 'He ain't soft. I tell he to goo and bring back a few tarnips. He ax me "What size, maw ?" an' I say "Why, as big as yar hid." 'Thass whoi he fit his cap over each on em.' * * * STARVATION FARM When an old boy I know went to a farm carting sugar beet, the farmer (knowing he had experience with horses) said to him: 'Sid, will you hev a look at one o' my old hosses. He's down in the yard and Oi can't git him up.' Sid picked up a large stick and set off towards the yard. 'Yew en't gorn to hit the old hoss with that there stick?' said the farmer. 'No,' said Sid and at once hit the corrugated iron shed and shouted: 'Git up, old hoss.' The animal scrambled to its feet and stood there shaking. 'What dew yew think's the matter with him, Sid?' asked the farmer. 'Well,' said Sid, 'Oi reck'n that old hoss hev sin more dinner toimes than he hev dinners. * * *
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Boy Albie
Norfolk born and bred. Archives
August 2020
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