'Darned if Oi knows, Miss,' the old man replied. 'Oi niver hed no 'sperience wi' them there things.' * * * A TICKLISH QUESTION A schoolmaster was giving a class a lecture, many years ago, on the different types of English woods and their uses in the making of pieces of furniture such as tables and chests-of-drawers. During the lecture he asked young Danny the kind of drawers most common in his mother's house. The boy, with a hard thinking look on his face, spluttered out: 'P-p-p-pink flannelette, Sir.' * * * A GOOD FRIEND An old vicar was visiting one day and remarked to a woman in the village that she had a very large family. Much to his amazement she replied, cheerily: 'Yis, Sir. Tha's roight. An' if the chuchyaard he'nt h'bin a good friend to me, Oi dun't know what Oi shoulda done.' * * * THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT! Many years ago, my grandfather was looking round an old cottage with a view to purchase. The tenant at the time was a very stout old man and my father, noticing how small the privy was, remarked that he must find it hard to turn round in such a small place. The old man said: 'Lor, Oi dun't tarn round in there. Oi undoes moi braces outside an' backs in.' * * * WHOLLY FRUZ FARMER: 'Well tha's loikE this 'ere, Govner, that ol' airyplane come a-swishin' an' a-roarin' roight acorst moi meader, not 10 foot above the grass it wus. Yew niver hud sich a carryin' on in all yar loife, not since ol' 'itler hulled one o' them doodly machines inta widder Gozzling's pasture, what med her ol' dicky run amuck all the way t' Swaffham. 'Ah, that wus a noight that wus, bor, but hold yew on, ol' partner, this woon't no doodly machine. Wait yew a minute, this duzzy airyplane wus wholly wuss by far. Whoi, moi poor ol' gals wus all fruz togither on the medder just loike the laast trumpet hed a-sounded. They wus far wuss frighted than widder Gozzling's dicky wus an', dew yew know, bor, they bin wholly fruz ever since.' AIR MINISTRY OFFICIAL: 'I see. The fright dried your cows up.' * * *
'What do you think of them?' he asked the gardener.
'Uh-huh,' said the gardener, with his head on one side. 'I bought them from Woolworth's,' said the man, proudly. 'Jist what Oi allus say', replied the gardener. 'Woolworth's seeds en't no good.'
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Boy Albie
Norfolk born and bred. Archives
August 2020
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