At that moment the owner arrived and, noticing the old man, slapped him on the shoulder, remarking: 'There you are, Fred, my horses know when they've had enough.' Came the reply without hesitation: 'Ah, bor, an' so do Oi —if tha's on'y water!' * * * THE EXPERT A farmer was taking a few friends round his farm and they showed an interest in an apple tree bearing some nice-looking fruit. They asked its name and the farmer called to an old man working nearby: 'Come here, George. You've been about here a lot longer than I have. Can you tell us what apple this is?' The old man dropped his hoe, came over, looked at the tree and said: 'Oi think Oi can tell yew if yew'll gimme one t' try.' He was given one and after taking a good bite and chewing it for a minute or more, said: 'Ah! Oi thought Oi knowed! Why, tha's a airten apple that that is.' * * * A NEW FISH An elderly gentleman with every device that wealth could procure for the catching of fish, had been standing for many hours on the river bank without having the slightest success. He had a magnificent rod, silken line, expensive cast, book of flies, capacious creel, a fine landing net and gaff. Imagine the poor old gentleman's surprise when a small boy appeared on the scene with a stick, a piece of string, a hook and a worm as his sole outfit and safely landed a fine fish within two minutes. The small boy lingered not but ran off home with his catch in his hand. As he entered the cottage his mother exclaimed : 'Why, Johnny, whatever dew yew call that fish yew caught?' 'Oi dunno,' said Johnny, 'but the owd booey fishin' near me said that wus a Ruddy Limit.' * * * THE COMFORTABLE METHOD Upon entering a hospital ward a male nurse found a patient with a rope round his waist suspended from the ceiling. 'An' what dew yew think yar a-doin' on, bor?' Patient: 'Oi'm a-hangin' meself.' Male Nurse: 'Yew want ter put the rope round yar neck tew dew that.' Patient: 'Oi ent that daft. I tied ut there an' ut very nearly killed me.' * * * BREVITY An elderly lady was interviewing a girl with a view to employing her as a domestic. 'Very well, Audrey,' said she in conclusion. 'I think you will suit me very well, provided that you always remember that I am a woman of few words. So if you see me beckon, like this, you will know that I mean "come here!" ' 'Tha's orright missus!' replied Audrey cheerfully. 'Oi'm a woman o' few words, too. So if yew see me shake moi old skull, loike this, yew'll know Oi ent a-comin'!' * * * OUR VILLAGE A Norfolk school mistress asked her pupils to write an essay on the amenities of the village. One wrote: 'This here is a large village. We hev two doctors an' one cemetery.' * * * DRARP UT, DAVID
A boy was asked in one of the village schools to give an account of David and Saul and this is what he said: 'Saul he went an' lay squat in a cave an' David he come in arter him an' David he saay to Saul: "What dew yew keep a-huntin' o' me about for? Oi en't done narthin' to yew. Dew yew drarp it." '
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Boy Albie
Norfolk born and bred. Archives
August 2020
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