Quickly he examined it and put it in his pocket. Overcome with curiosity the neighbour asked: 'Wus that there a pound note yew picked up, George?' 'Ah, bor, that is wus,' said George, 'but now yew're given me the benefit of yar brains Oi'll plant fivers next year an' see if Oi git a better crop.' * * * PEACE In the early days of the wireless Old Sam bought a crystal set. It took three of us to raise a very tall mast and we then left him to listen in. Calling on him some days later we found Old Sam sitting in his armchair with headphones on. Taking them off his head I said: 'How are you getting on with the wireless?' 'First rate, bor,' Sam replied. 'Ent heard nawthen yit.' * * * CONFUSING MARKS Many year ago, in a little shop in a Norfolk village, and elderly lady sold home made mince-pies and beef-patties. As these delicacies were of exactly the same size and shape a customer asked her how she knew one from the other. 'Tha's quoite easy, m' dear,' she replied. 'Oi puts a special mark on 'em. On the mince pies Oi puts M.P. an' on the meat patties Oi puts M.P.' * * * COMPANION IN BED An old farmer once upon a time was fond of his drink. He failed to return one evening so his wife went to bed, leaving the door ajar for him. Next morning, out in the yard, she heard a voice coming from the pigsty. There she found her husband snuggled up to the old fat sow and saying: 'Turn yar face, m' dear. Yar breath do smell.' * * * WHOLLY THIRSTY HE WUS The old sexton was ill and the vicar was at his wits' end trying to get someone to dig a grave. He approached old John who was very reluctant. 'Oi dun't know as Oi can dew that,' said John. 'Grearve diggin' and sichlike 'as never bin in moi loine.' 'Come now, John,' said the vicar, 'all you have to do is dig the grave and get the bier.' John's face lit up. 'Well now, vicar, tha's different. Had yew mentioned the beer fust orf, Oi'd a had it dug afore now.' * * * A CASE OF THE SQUITTERS The headmaster's room in a Norfolk school was up a flight of stairs. One morning there was a knock on the door. The headmaster said 'Come in' and a stout, middle-aged lady entered, very breathless. 'Sit down,' said the headmaster. 'What can I do for you?' His visitor puffed and panted. 'Oi coon't send Mary ter school t'day.' 'Why did you not send me a note ?' 'But Oi coon't send Mary ter school t'day.' 'Yes but surely a note would have done?' 'Yew dun't think Oi woulda cloimbed all these so an' so steps, do yew,' said the breathless one, 'if Oi coulda spelt diarrhoea?' * * *
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Boy Albie
Norfolk born and bred. Archives
August 2020
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