His neighbour asked him what he meant. "Wuh," George replied, "Orl them thare chearns and things. Oonly trouble Oi hed afore wus the handle cum orf, an' a few hooles in the buckit...!" * * * SILENCE IS GOLDEN A middle-aged couple were having lunch in a Norwich restaurant in a little establishment just off the Gentleman's Walk. All through their meal the wife was constantly nagging her husband, who seemed unable to get a word in apart from the occasional grunt. Eventually, after getting no response, the wife said: "Did yew hare me speak?" To which her husband was heard to reply: "Well, Maw – Oi hent heared yew be silent yit!" * * * SUFFEN IS A-COMIN' A recently-widowed woman happened to meet the local parson in the village street. "Parson," she said, "Oi fare hully worried. Ony yesterday Oi see moi ol' man a-comin' down the loke – plain as plain cood be that wus – what kin that mean? " "Well, Mrs Bumfrey," the vicar replied, "what do you yourself think it portends?" The old lady thought about it for a moment before answering, then said: "Oi reckon that mean thass gornta rain!" * * * CONCENTRATION I was walking through a Norfolk village recently when I noticed one of the locals, not known for his liking of hard work, sitting on the grass next to a road sign. "Hello, bor," I said to him, 'what are you a-doing on sitting hare a-doing nothing?" "Oi ent a-sittin' hare doin' nourthin'," he replied, a bit savage-like. "Oi'm a-sittin' hare tryin' tew remind m'self of suffin' I're gotta remember – but the more Oi remember, the more Oi fergit." * * * TEARKIN' TARNS Old Tom walked into his local, The Fox and Hounds, looking very tired and thirsty. "Why hello, Tom bor," said Charlie. "Yew look worn out, bor – ware'r yew bin?" "Why, Charlie, bor," replied Tom, "I're bin to Norridge markit wi' the marster an' foive bullocks." "No wonder yew look tired Tom, bor, thass a hully long walk," said Charlie. "Well that woontsa bad," said Tom. "We hed the marster's hoss and cart and took tarns in roidin' onnit. Fust the marster rid and Oi walked, then Oi walked and the marster rid." * * * PENNIES FROM HEAVEN
Fred Blyth, one of the parishioners at St Peter's in Sheringham, asked the local vicar to say a prayer for Sarah Grey and so, that Sunday and the Sunday after, the vicar mentioned her in his prayers. Before the service the following week, Fred told the vicar his prayers weren't required anymore. "Has the poor dear passed away – or is she better?" the vicar asked him. "Oh no," replied Fred. "She won the 3.30 at Fakenham last week!"
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