'When 'e got near to my cottage 'e stopped and tapped the winder with 'is whip. I called out: 'Who's there? Wot d'yer want?' 'Do yer know yer left yer bowl outside 'ere,' 'e say. 'Lor Joe,' I say, 'I clean forgot it. I'll come down and bring it in.' 'Don't yer do that,' 'e say. 'Yew open the winder and I'll 'and it up to yer.' 'So I got out o' bed an' opened the winder. The mune wuz up and 'twas as bright as day. Joe, 'e pulled 'is cart up just under the winder an' picked up the bowl and stood up on the seat to 'and it up to me. 'Just as 'e wor liften it up, he say: 'Coo, if I was to call out 'Gee up owd mare' wouldn't there be a mess?' 'The owd fule never said a truer word in his life. When that owd mare 'eard 'im say "gee up" she geed up. I just 'ad time to grab 'old o' the bowl an' Joe 'e fell over into the back of the cart an' the horse and cart went tearing off through the village. 'Laarf! I never laarfed so much in me life! But, lor, when I tried to get the bowl indoors I coon't get it trew the winder, no 'ow!' 'Bless yer,' said the other lady, 'wot ever did yer dew! Did yer shout for 'elp?' 'Shout for 'elp, not likely! A pretty fule I shud a' looked 'anging out o' me bedroom winder at midnight with a mixing bowl in me 'ands an' shoutin' for 'elp. No, I did the only thing I could do... and I'm goin' to Yarmouth agin next Tuesday to buy another bowl.' * * * YOU CAN'T MISS IT A motorist stopped a farm boy and enquired for a certain place. The boy replied: 'Dew yew goo as far as Wiggs' farm, then tarn agin tew haystacks, then howd ter the left past the parson's, down a hill, oover the bridge, then tearke the second rud ter the right an' if yew keep a-goin' right yew caan't goo wrong.' * * * THE DOCTOR KNOWS BEST Two brothers, both bachelors, used to live near our village. Their surname was Theobald, locally pronounced Tebbled'. One of them was very ill and near his end and when the doctor called he said: 'Ah, poor fellow, he's gone.' But a weak voice from the bed announced : 'I en't dead, doctor.' Whereupon his brother said: 'Howd yar tongue. The doctor know better'n yew.' * * * THE WATER-SPLASH A motorist, coming to a water-splash across the road, asked a local countryman who was standing on the footbridge: 'Can I get through?' 'Yis,' said the local man. The motorist got half way through when the car stopped, its wheels and engine pretty well covered by the water. Shouted the angry motorist: 'I thought you said I could get through ?' 'Well Oi jest see some ducks go acrorst, so I thought yew could anorl!' * * * WAIT FOR THE FUNERAL An old fellow was ill in bed and had not been allowed anything to eat for several days. One day the doctor called and told the wife her husband wouldn't last much longer and he could have anything he liked to eat. After the doctor had gone the old woman called up the stairs: 'The doctor say yew can hev anythin' yew loike ter eat,' and the old man called back with delight: 'Cor, Oi'd loike some o' that there ham yew 're a-got cookin' down there!' To which came the sharp retort: 'Yew caan't ha' that. Tha's for yer funeral.' * * * THE NEW BUTES John had a new pair of boots and one day he said to me: 'Mr Reg, I're a got a lovely pair of butes. But dew yew know Oi hed to wear 'em a week afore Oi could git 'em on.' * * * SPRING CLEANING
Burnham Overy church had a three-decker pulpit. The old sexton occupied the bottom part and just above him the vicar read prayers and then went into the top portion to preach his sermon. In the church, too, were the old high pews which had doors in them and little boxes in which the regular worshippers kept their books. One Sunday, at the end of the sermon, the old sexton stood up and said: 'Will all on yer that leaves their books, tearke 'em as the chutch is goin' ter be white-washed yaller.'
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Boy Albie
Norfolk born and bred. Archives
August 2020
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