'That sartinly is. But that will rearn afore ternight.' The reporter, expecting to hear something of a countryman's weather lore, said: 'What makes you so sure?' 'Well, thass whut t'owd wireless said a s'mornin'.' * * * FIVE MINUTES RUN In my early days as a grocer's assistant in a village shop a customer asked how far it was to the railway station. I told him it was five minutes' walk. My errand boy overheard the conversation and after the man had left he turned to me and said: 'Cor, yew towd him wrong, yew know. Thas on'y five minutes' walk – if yew run!' * * * IT WAS A PLEASURE A Norfolk vicar was called home from his holiday to perform the funeral rites of one of his churchwardens. After the service a parishioner said: 'Sir, it was very kind of you to come back for the funeral.' 'Oh, don't mention it,' replied the vicar. 'I was only too pleased to do it for him.' * * * * * * EPITAPH After my father's death I was passing through the village and the roadman stopped his work to assure me that they 'whully miss the rector — more than when he was alive'. * * * THE BOGUS TELEGRAM
Joe and harry were like peas in a pod. The only subject on which they differed was football. Joe supported the Arsenal while Harry's life-long idols were Aston Villa. In the early 20s, before the advent of radio, Joe made a rare visit to Highbury to see the Gunners play the Villa, promising to send a wire to Harry after the match, thus avoiding the wait for the Sunday papers. The much-looked-forward-to telegram duly arrived in the village and was copied out by the local post-mistress and despatched by a passer-by to Harry. Surrounded by interested friends Harry opened the telegram and read aloud: 'Arsenal 4, Villa 0.' A look of contempt came over his face. Slowly he tore up the envelope and its contents and said to the assembled group: 'Yew can't fool me wi' that there stuff. That en't owd Joe's wroitin'!'
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Boy Albie
Norfolk born and bred. Archives
August 2020
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