The passenger searched the station for the refreshment room without success. Returning to his carriage, he met the porter again. 'I thought you said I could get a cup of tea?' he said. 'No, bor, what Oi said wus yew'd got toime fer one. Oi never said as yew could git one.' * * * CHRISTMAS GIFT An old vintage car clanked onto Foundry bridge, Norwich, was held up by the lights and stalled. The driver climbed out and started cranking to get it started again. Immediately behind him was a brand new black and silver Cadillac. The harder he cranked, the louder the Cadillac hooted at him. Finally, red of face and short of wind, he turned to the Cadillac's owner and said quietly: 'An' what else did y'have for Christmas?' * * * FLEA POWDER? Some years ago, a landgirl entered a small general store in Filby and asked the man behind the counter if he sold powder. 'Cartainly, Miss', said the man. 'D'yew want face, emery, gun or flea powder ?' * * * DUTTY PLATES The proprietor of a Cromer guest house advertised for an extra maid during the holiday season, but the girl who took the job was dismissed at the end of the first month. When she asked the reason, the landlady produced two plates which gave evidence of unsatisfactory washing up. 'Dew yew take a look at these', she said. 'What hev yew to say for y'self?' 'Well, ma'am', came the honest reply. 'Oi'll answer for them there black thumb marks – but that there dried mustard wus on a-fore Oi come.' * * * THE DOG COLLAR A vicar going the rounds of his parish saw a man sweeping the road. 'Good morning, George. How are you?' he said. 'Well, sir, Oi'm orl right but Oi a-bin puzzling moi brains about suffin'.' 'Have you, George? What is it? I didn't think you'd got any brains.' 'Oi a-bin wonderin',' said George, 'how yew git yar hid out o' yar collar.' * * * 'Noo, thass wrong. H-E-1-G-H-A-M.'
'I wonder why you Norfolk people so often leave out syllables?' Then came the immediate reply, without a smile: 'Whoi, Oi spoose to confuse furriners.'
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August 2020
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